Periodically someone will ask me why I stopped writing in my blog. The truth is that everyone would pester me if I didn't write more frequently and that took the fun out of writing. So, I quit entirely. Well, for a good while.
Perhaps it is time to revisit the idea of writing a blog.
The past two weeks have been very busy for me. I took an unexpected trip to Alabama when my brother, Don, was able to rearrange his schedule to be able to get home for a family meeting with my brother, Henry, and our parents. The time is fast approaching when we need to know our parent's wishes for their care and we were addressing the issues involved in making decisions we could all live with.
My mother is in the worst shape of the two as it is evident she is in the beginning stages of dementia. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for her to realize she can no longer trust her brain to sort things out.
She will be just sitting in her chair and you can see her begin to get angry at some imagined offense. It is like one of those old glass percolators you put on the stove. You begin to see a little bubble here and there and then a blurp, and another blurp, and another blurp until it is at a rolling boil and the water spurts violently over the coffee grounds. Soon everything is black. She just lashes out and one can only guess what her mind has told her she needs to be angry about.
It seems the least little thing has the potential to become a personal affront to my mother. I was cleaning the house for my parents and when I went to use the upstairs vacuum -- an ancient Electrolux -- it had no suction and had that awful smell old appliances have right before they shoot out sparks and die. I just went downstairs to get the other vacuum and Mama wanted to know why I didn't use the one already upstairs. I explained the problem. She heard: You are old and stupid and useless. She launched into a tirade I couldn't believe I was hearing.
The entire ten days I visited my parents was like this. Daddy was trying to learn how to sort out medications for the week and she went ballistic. We all know Mama has been doing the medications for years, but Daddy wanted to be helpful and she saw it as saying we thought she was stupid. I was discussing what to do about the dog with my sister-in-law -- the precious, starved for affection dog they have in a small pen with no grass, limited protection from the elements, and piles of shit all over that they really can't take for good walks and it makes me cry every time I see or think of her -- and Mama launched into the most hateful attack on me ever. Even though my better self knew not to argue with her, she was so brutal and hurtful I wanted to hurt her back. I ended up saying I didn't care if she hated me forever, I thought they should get rid of the dog because it was inhumane the conditions she was kept in. She heard: I don't care about you. And, I hate you.
In looking back I wonder what I did to make my mother dislike me so much. She never hesitates to use me as her dog to kick. This isn't new, only getting worse and more frequent. I remember this pattern going back to my childhood. It is the same with her treatment of my father. She is downright hateful to us. I have tried and tried to think of a time I have ever heard her attack my brothers like she attacks my father and me and I just can't recall one incidence. I have entertained many thoughts as to why she does this and have tried to rationalize it. Whatever my offense, I will never know.
My father just keeps on going even though his bout with cancer left him more frail than he is willing to admit. He sits a lot longer each day and getting up to speed in the morning is a slower process, but he manages to tackle some project every day. He moves slowly and has to have things repeated several times before he hears what you say, but he is still willing to give everything he has to help others. He is so patient and kind to my mother and loves her as deeply as when he was a young man and they were first married. I ache when I see Mama lash out at Daddy because he doesn't deserve to be treated so badly. He is so forgiving and loving and unselfish and generous. I can only hope that the example he has set for me has shaped the person I have become.
I did manage to squeeze in some fun in between tirades and yard work and house work. I kept my two and a half year old twin grand-nieces, Heidi and Cheyenne, for twenty-four hours. It was only the second time they had stayed away from their parents over night and I passed the test in spite of bouts of a small child's projectile vomiting and a couple of barely averted 'I want my mommy' meltdowns. Thank goodness for Wal-Mart that has children's Tylenol, Gatorade, sippy cups, and children's clothing all under one roof at any time of the day or night. They took me to see their camel -- yes, camel -- at the opening of a new feed store. Actually the camel, Cletus, belongs to their father, my nephew, Hank.
Because Cletus was at the end of his allotted time to be able to work when we got to the feed store, they got the last ride of the day with their grandfather, my brother, Henry. I had to wait until the next day to get a ride. A camel ride is just what you would expect it to be.
My friend, Anne, came from Baton Rouge, LA, for the weekend and she got to ride the camel, too. She got to go to the feed store opening, but neither of us won any baby chicks. Somehow, I think the weekend with me was somewhat less exciting than the Mardi Gras celebrations Anne participates in. We got up and went to early church at the little Episcopal church in Magnolia Springs, AL (the little town where my parents live on the Magnolia River). I will have to say that was the most unfriendly bunch of people I have ever seen. They give entirely new meaning to the moniker 'God's frozen people'. I had decided that if anyone bothered to acknowledge us I was going to hint that we were long time 'partners' looking for a summer home where we could one day retire.
After church Anne and I went to the Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo in Gulf Shores, AL. The twins mother, Jo (Jennifer), works there although she was off when we went. It was a nice little side trip and we even got to pet baby tigers -- white and orange. Then we got our camel ride at my brother's farm where my nephew lives and keeps his camel.
I even spent several late afternoons swimming in my brother's pool. It was fun and relaxing to be with the family I only get to see once a year since we moved back to PA two years ago. I will dwell on the fun things I did rather than the unpleasantness.
The last two days of my stay in Alabama were spent with our best friends, Erik and Martha Hansen-Dreijer, in their beautiful home on Mobile Bay. It was relaxing and a good place for me to decompress before coming home. I took a morning walk on the beach with Erik and his Great Dane, Sinbad, and had some time to lull around and get a little sun on my back. I tried to earn my keep by cooking dinner and doing some touch-up painting on Erik's boat, but I can never repay them for the lovely hospitality they offered me. I even rode in to town (Mobile) with Erik -- Martha was doing her volunteer work -- because he had some banking business and we ended up at the Mobile Ship Chandlery for Friday happy hour.
My last big thrill was when we stopped at the storage facility where Erik keeps his perfectly restored '67 Vette and we drove it to the Mobile Yacht Club to meet Martha for dinner. Awesome!! Life really is good. Especially when you have friends with great toys.
I will save the flight delays at the Atlanta airport on my return trip home for another day.
Being back home in my own bed with my own things surrounding me is wonderful.
